Step Ten: Continued to take personal inventory and when we were wrong promptly admitted it.
There are several spiritual principles associated with the 10th Step—integrity, perseverance, discipline. Some refer to steps 10, 11, and 12 as the maintenance steps. This follows a philosophy that you only need work steps 1-9 once; then you go on a maintenance plan of 10-11-12. I personally don’t buy that philosophy because I think it negates the incredible power of the first nine steps, no matter how many times you revisit them. But one philosophy I do ascribe to is “To each his own.” If the maintenance plan works for you, awesome!
I have found that this step often smacks me in the face when I need to work it! You know, that feeling that hits you in the gut when you do or say something and then immediately regret it because you know you have hurt someone’s feelings. I get this conviction in my gut that says, “You need to go back and clean that up! And NOW!”
From working steps four through seven, we are aware of our character defects and our shortcomings. From working steps eight and nine, we have witnessed how our mistakes can hurt others, and the benefits we find in making retribution. Step Ten allows us to continue this process in the here and now.
Here is an example straight from Robert F Kennedy Jr. When Vanity Fair published an article about RFK, Jr. in July, one of the stories was of a former babysitter, Eliza Cooney, who claimed that Kennedy had groped her in the family kitchen back in the 1990s. Although Mr. Kennedy would have preferred to respond to her allegation face-to-face, he instead responded via text with the following:
“I read your description of an episode in which I touched you in an unwanted manner. I have no memory of this incident, but I apologize sincerely for anything I ever did that made you feel uncomfortable or anything I did or said that offended you or hurt your feelings. If I hurt you, it was inadvertent. I feel badly for doing so.“
This was a 10th step in action. He responded promptly, admitting he was sorry for anything he had done that had made her uncomfortable or hurt her feelings. His response shows perseverance; he strives to be consistent with his truth—it’s part of his character. He showed integrity. Even though he did not remember the incident, he still owned his part in it. He did not blame her or shame her. Nor did he attack Vanity Fair for publishing what would be called by many as a “hit piece.” He showed discipline throughout the incident, not letting a character defect such as anger or pride stand in the way of making an amends. And most importantly, he swept his side of the street and left the outcome to God. Whether she accepts his apology, whether those who read the Vanity Fair article accepts his apology, is beyond his control. All any of us in recovery can do is work the steps and leave the results with God.
As we look to Healing the Divide in our country through a 12-step perspective, I encourage you to work the 10th Step regularly. Be mindful of your actions especially around those who vehemently disagree with you. Be kind, be thoughtful in your responses. In the last eighteen months, I have witnessed people who were “picking the lesser of two evils” to now saying, “I just want this to be over.” While I understand both of those positions, I think we should be vigilant in educating ourselves on the issues that face our nation.
The information overload can make it difficult to sort out the truth. But I am willing to sort through the rhetoric and vitriol because I have perseverance and discipline and integrity. I understand the importance of this moment in history, and I believe many others do too.
In the past, my articles have focused on putting forth a vote for RFK, Jr. for President. Now that option is no longer available in my state, I will continue to look at the issues that attracted me to Mr. Kennedy in the first place and vote for the candidate who will address those issues. I recently watched a YouTube video entitled, “RFK Speaks about Health in America.” Although an almost 4-hour video, it was well worth my time to witness this movement of people who have done the research and have come to critical conclusions about the future health of our nation.
MAHA (Make America Healthy Again) is a multi-faceted movement I can get behind. From removing toxins in our food and water to regenerative agriculture, this is more than the reductive claim of climate change. It is a holistic approach to changing the health status of Americans. Just this year, I planted a Kennedy Victory Garden in my back yard. I was careful in the soil I used and made sure that it was free of pesticides. I included plants that the bees and butterflies benefitted from. It has been so successful that I have been able to share the fruits of my labor with family and friends. You could say I’ve worked a 10th step on this situation. I looked at my part in this little garden, and what I realized was that one just wasn’t enough. I waited until summer garden sales were in full bloom, and I bought 4 more raised beds for next year. I’m even learning about what I could plant as winter crops. Were there mistakes along the way? Oh yes! Sweet potatoes and watermelons need LOTS of room!! Lessons learned for next year. But I am changing to be part of the solution. Let’s promptly admit that we are part of the problem in the food industry by continuing to buy those products that we know are not healthy for us or our families. Let’s invest in ourselves, have the discipline and perseverance to choose healthy foods, and have the integrity to look each other in the eyes and be the change we need to see in the world.
